The Greatest Joy

now i think it's true - even the smallest things, can affect us deeply.

coffee o corner has been my favourite place for breakfast since my friend first introduced the place. i think i go there almost everyday. hmm you can call me a regular costumer already. so today i went there with my girl friend for breakfast, of course. this guy took our order and left then he came again bringing our milo peng, and left again. few minutes later he came again bringing our laksa, but this time with a makcik. the makcik asked him, "nak ney sorang?", then he pointed at me by "using" his eyes. the makcik looked at my face maybe for about two minutes and i just sat there, looking back. the guy walked away and left the makcik serving us (after the makcik "scanned" my face) and i totally had no idea what was happening.

after she served us, i was about to give her the money, she suddenly said to me "eh dik, laki ya kirim salam ngan kitak" and pointed her finger to the guy just now. i looked at him and he smiled, i just could laugh. i just didn't know how to react.

we were done with breakfast so we went to the counter to pay our drinks. the girl at the counter smiled (i don't know how to describe the smile) at me and i was like, hmm fishy. you know, there's a screen at the counter that shows the table number, descriptions, and total. i saw something at the screen but i pretend i didn;t see it. then my girl friend looked at the screen and laughed, "atul, nangga tok!". i just smiled. actually on the screen, at the description part it said, "awek kacak pun".

i know i was being so awkward. because this kind of thing is not normal to me. i mean it's not always happening to me. seriously. i'm a shy person and i dont think i'm an attractive person. so deep down after i left the restaurant, i was so thankful to him for calling me kacak. i'm still smiling now, you know. thank you. :)

actually my point is not this story but how this small random thing could make me smile the whole day. so guys, start telling nice things to everyone. just say anything, like "you rock my world" or as simple as "you're pretty" - even better, trust me, even the smallest things - simplest nice words - simplest actions can bring the greatest joy.

Borrowing and Returning

you know what i hate the most? when your so-called friend contact you when they need or want something. and when they borrow something from you, they never know how to return back it to you. responsibility, people! it's important.

this is a true story, just happened last week.

W wanted to borrow my camera. i was so reluctant to lend it because i know W very well. veerrrrrrryyyy welll. that wasn't the first time. so i said, "oh my camera is with M" (i didn't lie, it was true). but i had no idea why suddenly M wanted to return the camera to me on that day. *note: M and W don't know each other* so bla bla bla i still said no to W.

then W asked me, "can i borrow your polaroid camera?". hell no, that's super expensive! W was so desperate and in this case i blame myself due to humanity in myself. i gave W the camera (the first one W asked for). i told W please return it back before this saturday (last saturday). but you know what, W didn't! I whatsapped W but no reply.

responsibility! please lah paham adab-adab meminjam barang. honestly, i'm not lokek kind of people. but bila orang dah polah gia ngan barang kita, of course i have to do that. i have to be lokek. to protect my stuff. mun dah siktauk cara minjam barang, balit tadika gik nun balit.

i won't trust W anymore. i hate W.

Sigh

sigh.

i just don't know what to say. whatever i do, seems wrong to them. semua salah. sik kira benda ya bagus gney pun, salah juak bagi daknya. mok dudok rumah rilek jak pun boleh jadi salah. salah. maybe you just hate me.

sorry. i really wanna write everything here. i just can't find the correct words to describe my feeling.

sigh.

:(

Meanest People

people are so mean. every word they say, makes me sad. rasa mok merajuk. sometimes i do feel like merajuk with semua human beings kat dunia tok. i feel like i want to lock up myself in my room. i don't want to see the world anymore. and after few hours/days when i think i'm already okay, they would come again and throw those nasty and mean words to me. this is not about pms. this is not about being over sensitive. but this is me. being me.

i still remember last year, i brought my backpack along with me when i went shopping with my sisters. they laughed at me. maybe because i looked so kuno. why is it so hard being me? why i cant be myself? i prefer to have loads of backpacks rather than handbags. why are they so mean?

i bought an ukulele last week. but all my sisters laughed at me and said how silly i am to buy that. but my friend, M, supports me. M said "maybe next time we can do jamming session". this is so sad, when someone you barely know encourages you. and someone you know since you were born stabs you at your heart. remember sisters, when you bought that fish wires thingy, did i laugh at you? did i say it's nonsense? oh remember when you bought a very expensive handbag, did i say it's a waste of money? although i don't fancy expensive stuff (except expensive stuff). And when you bought loads of stickers that you could open a business? Did i say anything mean about that? i dont't think so.

shit, why am i being so emo now.

Exams

hey, what's up?

sorry, i have been busy with school. assignments, and tests. and exams coming up. please pray for me, guys. thanks. much appreciated.

Selamat Hari Raya #2

i dont get the idea why everytime raya confirm couples wear baju raya sama colour. seriously. enlighten me, please. it's so annoying and so geli okay. is it one of the raya rules? pake baju raya sama colour then round-round raya. dudok dekat then sapik menyapik. orang dah nikah gik sikdalaaaa gia gilak.

sorry, sometimes i can be very pengingga juak. harum bulak orang minum aek gik ku boleh ingga. haha. i feel like killing myself when i see my friends post their raya couple shot pictures on facebook. i feel like hitting my head to the wall. boleh sik act normal sikit? or i am the one nok sik normal? haha.

oh btw, selamat hari raya (again) everyone.

i have been spending my raya in school. i didn't really feel sad. maybe because i'm used to it already. how cool. tahun depan sik balit raya gik pun sikpa. i hope you guys had a good raya. thanks friends, for not forgetting me. you guys wished selamat hari raya pun dah rasa cukup. thanks.

I Feel So Angry #2

i'm so pissed. this is why i hate sharing, man! i have to wake up extra early just because this one selfish person doesn't want to take a bus to her class. i live so far away from curtin, so if i take bus i have to leave the house 2 hours early. so today i have to be at school before 8, and i woke up at 5.30 you know. i know 5.30 is just nahhh to you guys. but here is still winter, cant you imagine the coldness and darkness everything?

and this is one more person. borrow my camera, but never let me know first. last night, i was searching the camera like mad. only that i found out she borrowed it. i really hate it when people pinjam barang sik pandei mok padah. it's not hard to ask. and i'm not a bad person. i'm not that lokek. baju duit gik aku dah penah berik W pinjam. pissed! gney mok diam serumah ngan orang gitok.