Finding Me

Borrowing and Returning

2012-01-27T01:25:00.005+08:00

you know what i hate the most? when your so-called friend contact you when they need or want something. and when they borrow something from you, they never know how to return back it to you. responsibility, people! it's important.

this is a true story, just happened last week.

W wanted to borrow my camera. i was so reluctant to lend it because i know W very well. veerrrrrrryyyy welll. that wasn't the first time. so i said, "oh my camera is with M" (i didn't lie, it was true). but i had no idea why suddenly M wanted to return the camera to me on that day. *note: M and W don't know each other* so bla bla bla i still said no to W.

then W asked me, "can i borrow your polaroid camera?". hell no, that's super expensive! W was so desperate and in this case i blame myself due to humanity in myself. i gave W the camera (the first one W asked for). i told W please return it back before this saturday (last saturday). but you know what, W didn't! I whatsapped W but no reply.

responsibility! please lah paham adab-adab meminjam barang. honestly, i'm not lokek kind of people. but bila orang dah polah gia ngan barang kita, of course i have to do that. i have to be lokek. to protect my stuff. mun dah siktauk cara minjam barang, balit tadika gik nun balit.

i won't trust W anymore. i hate W.

Sigh

2011-11-10T20:08:00.002+08:00

sigh.

i just don't know what to say. whatever i do, seems wrong to them. semua salah. sik kira benda ya bagus gney pun, salah juak bagi daknya. mok dudok rumah rilek jak pun boleh jadi salah. salah. maybe you just hate me.

sorry. i really wanna write everything here. i just can't find the correct words to describe my feeling.

sigh.

:(

Meanest People

2011-10-30T18:43:00.002+08:00

people are so mean. every word they say, makes me sad. rasa mok merajuk. sometimes i do feel like merajuk with semua human beings kat dunia tok. i feel like i want to lock up myself in my room. i don't want to see the world anymore. and after few hours/days when i think i'm already okay, they would come again and throw those nasty and mean words to me. this is not about pms. this is not about being over sensitive. but this is me. being me.

i still remember last year, i brought my backpack along with me when i went shopping with my sisters. they laughed at me. maybe because i looked so kuno. why is it so hard being me? why i cant be myself? i prefer to have loads of backpacks rather than handbags. why are they so mean?

i bought an ukulele last week. but all my sisters laughed at me and said how silly i am to buy that. but my friend, M, supports me. M said "maybe next time we can do jamming session". this is so sad, when someone you barely know encourages you. and someone you know since you were born stabs you at your heart. remember sisters, when you bought that fish wires thingy, did i laugh at you? did i say it's nonsense? oh remember when you bought a very expensive handbag, did i say it's a waste of money? although i don't fancy expensive stuff (except expensive stuff). And when you bought loads of stickers that you could open a business? Did i say anything mean about that? i dont't think so.

shit, why am i being so emo now.

Exams

2011-10-23T21:19:00.001+08:00

hey, what's up?

sorry, i have been busy with school. assignments, and tests. and exams coming up. please pray for me, guys. thanks. much appreciated.

Selamat Hari Raya #2

2011-09-13T01:02:00.003+08:00

i dont get the idea why everytime raya confirm couples wear baju raya sama colour. seriously. enlighten me, please. it's so annoying and so geli okay. is it one of the raya rules? pake baju raya sama colour then round-round raya. dudok dekat then sapik menyapik. orang dah nikah gik sikdalaaaa gia gilak.

sorry, sometimes i can be very pengingga juak. harum bulak orang minum aek gik ku boleh ingga. haha. i feel like killing myself when i see my friends post their raya couple shot pictures on facebook. i feel like hitting my head to the wall. boleh sik act normal sikit? or i am the one nok sik normal? haha.

oh btw, selamat hari raya (again) everyone.

i have been spending my raya in school. i didn't really feel sad. maybe because i'm used to it already. how cool. tahun depan sik balit raya gik pun sikpa. i hope you guys had a good raya. thanks friends, for not forgetting me. you guys wished selamat hari raya pun dah rasa cukup. thanks.

I Feel So Angry #2

2011-09-07T05:59:00.003+08:00

i'm so pissed. this is why i hate sharing, man! i have to wake up extra early just because this one selfish person doesn't want to take a bus to her class. i live so far away from curtin, so if i take bus i have to leave the house 2 hours early. so today i have to be at school before 8, and i woke up at 5.30 you know. i know 5.30 is just nahhh to you guys. but here is still winter, cant you imagine the coldness and darkness everything?

and this is one more person. borrow my camera, but never let me know first. last night, i was searching the camera like mad. only that i found out she borrowed it. i really hate it when people pinjam barang sik pandei mok padah. it's not hard to ask. and i'm not a bad person. i'm not that lokek. baju duit gik aku dah penah berik W pinjam. pissed! gney mok diam serumah ngan orang gitok.

Selamat Hari Raya

2011-09-04T04:10:00.005+08:00

hi i'm back again.

first of all, i wanna wish my readers (uhuk uhuk) selamat hari raya. maaf zahir & batin. :)
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last but not least, please send duit raya to my account.

:)

Weird but Kind

2011-08-18T19:59:00.002+08:00

there is this one guy in my class who i think is weird. yes, true, i think he is really weird. i think he is that kind of person who always in their own world. because of his appearance, the way he talks, the way he looks at people, i assume he is weird. thats my first impression on him.

but since last few weeks, i think he has been trying to prove me that i'm wrong. he has been trying to prove me that he is not weird. not directly, of course. indirectly way.

in week 2, i had my presentation. i was actually so nervous. after the presentation, i thought i did bad. i thought i spoke so fast that everyone couldn't get it what was i talking about. after i finished my class and waiting for my friends, this guy suddenly walked to me and said, "i liked your presentation. i think your presentation was the best.". i was like, wow. i didnt expect that. i never talked to him before and that was our first conversation and he complimented me. wow thank you.

remember my last post, i said i went to town center to attend a meeting. i went out early but my friend stayed there until the meeting ended. mostly all my classmates came there by car. but my friend and i came by train. luckily D came to fetch me so i wouldnt take train to go home. okay back to my friend's story. my friend called her boyfriend to pick her up, so she had to stay there waiting for her boyfriend to come. and this guy approched my friend and offered to accompany my friend. he said to my friend that last month someone got killed at the same area. so he didnt want same bad thing to happen again. omg how kind. so they talked and talked until my friend's boyfriend came.

and one more thing he told me friend, theres this one lecturer who is not good. as in, the personality. he said the lecturer had a huge stash of porn videos in his office. omg so crazy right. i never expected that. to me the lecturer is ok. so he warned my friend to not to go to the lecturer's office alone. i dont know whether this story about the lecturer is true or not, but so kind of him to warn my friend about this. he showed how he cared about my friend. you know, i went to the lecturer's office before with my friend but i didnt realise about the porn movies. but after listened to my friend's story, i suddenlt thought, yeah something was wrong when i entered his office that day. but i couldnt remember what.

so now i have changed my impression on him. but wait. i think he is still weird, but kind too. i think i wanna befriend with him. you know how he told my friend that he didnt want bad things to happen anymore. suddenly i remind me of a movie i watched before. about a boy who is so passive and always plays alone. all other kids always make fun of him because he is so weird. but actually he is so friendly, likes animals. i remeber there is a scene where the boy almost got hit by a car when he wanted to save a cat. yeah, i think he is like that.

weird but kind.

I Feel So Angry

2011-08-17T22:20:00.002+08:00

do you ever encounter the situation when someone suddenly ignores you. you dont have even 0.01% clue why the person doing that to you. and it hurts, isnt it?

i have known this person since i was small. so just now i had to go to town centre to attend a meeting. the meeting ended at 8, i think. but my lecturer said you could go even before the meeting ends. this person, lets say D, said that she planning to go somewhere around the town centre. so first she asked whether i wanted to join or not, but i said no because i didnt have money. then she was like persuading me and bla bla bla then she said she would pick me up. so i said ok.

about 10 mins later, she called me and said where was i. she waiting for me in front of the town centre. at that time i was still in the town centre. from the phone call, i could sense she was not in a good mood. i mean like, kedak malas-malas mok jawab when i asked where she parked the car. when i reached her at the car she didnt talk to me at all. until now.

i feel so unfair. i dontknow why she acts like that. i didnt do anything wrong. if she having the bad mood just because she had to pick me, why she asked whether i wanted to go or not. i said no in the first place what. very unfair, you know. if i do something wrong, just let me know. so everything will be ok then. dont just keep it like that. because it's not going to affect just you, but your surrounding too.

and some girls, always blame the pms and period when having the bad mood. i think it's not true. not entirely true. it's not always because of those two. i always believe everyone can control their emotions. D always blames the pms. i think you just hate me, not because you're having pms.

you had choice to not pick me up. you had choice to not tell me that you were going there. why some people are like this. just let it out. i feel like giving up already to communicate and to bercampur with these kind of people. mun dah sik suka, padah jak sia. sik pelu la mok ignore orang gia.

because when someone suddenly ignoring you, it makes you think what you have done, what is actually happening. end up you keep thinking bout it for few days. insane. malas dah mok melayan olah orang gia. lak dilayan makin jadi. the first time when i encountered with this situation, i cried like mad. because i thought i really did something wrong but actually i didnt. so now this kind of thing just makes me feel so angry. mun mok berbad mood ya boh nyusah orang. betul sik? bad mood kau dikpun sia. boh mok ignore orang bila orang tanyak.

Update

2011-08-16T22:00:00.002+08:00

i feel like writing but i dont have any idea what to write. i'm not creative, that's why. people always tell me, just write what you think. but the problem is, i think a lot that even myself cant catch up with my brain. like in history exam, i'm writing about parameswara but my brain has already moved on to datuk maharaja lela. shit brain, chill. lets me finish with parameswara first then we go together and think about datuk maharaja lela.

i just realised it recently that i really dont like it when people end their sentences with lah. example:

A: hey is this okay?
B: aoklah. oklah ya.

i dont know, it just, sounds rude. but it still depends on the situation and intonation. if they say, masuklah masuklah. jangan malu-malu. that's totallly ok. oklah, moving on.

last monday, a guy, A, sat next to me. he borrowed a note from a guy, B, who sat in front of him. then five minutes later, A asked B whether he could copy the notes or not, but B said NO. that was just mean and awkward. i felt very awkward because i was the witness of everything. i really dont know how to explain but if you guys were there, you would understand. because the situation wasnt this simple. when B said no, it was like sooo omg i dont know how to describe. after B said it, A was like whaattt *cries*.

Breaking Point

2011-08-13T21:04:00.003+08:00

Do you believe if I say everyone has their own breaking point? Yes, it's like melting point and boiling point. I have reached mine like so many times already. Alhamdulillah belum gila gik. Because you know, some people when they have reached it, they tend do something unbelievable, like commit suicide or snap or etc etc. That's why when you read news about some committed suicide, don't simply say they're stupid. Because we never know what they have been through.

In fact, I have reached mine just now.

I broke into tears.

Jigoku Shouju

2011-08-06T18:14:00.003+08:00

i hate you . i hate them . i seriously hate you .

now my heart is full with hatred . completely .

* * * * *

i have finished watching jigoku shouju. it's an anime. first i thought the anime was so nonsense. not logic. i didn't believe someone's hatred could reach that extend, to send someone to hell. ok, that still sounds ok. but the main point of this anime is, after we send someone to hell, we will go to hell too after we die. that's the contract. NOT LOGIC. i would love to send ***** to hell, but i don't want to go to hell too. i want to go to heaven. haha.

10 Things

2011-07-30T18:57:00.002+08:00

so i've been thinking, what are actually things that people don't know about me. i have been asked by myself (yes, i'm a loner), what are they actually? something that only know. something that only few of my friends know.so now, i want to list down 10 things that my friends don't know about me.

01. a very shy person. yes, true. some of my friends think i'm siktauk malu kind of person. sometimes mok tanyak something kat kaunter pertanyaan pun rasa malu. i'm also a camera shy person. i'm not bluffing.

02. a sensitive person. even a small thing, like not replying my message, can make me butthurt. my friends always think i'm a cool person. nganok aku gney pun, i remain cool-headed. but deep down, you never know. but the weird thing is, i never feel sad when people fforget my birthday. because i always think, birthday isn't big deal. doesn't matter.

A: hey B. whats up?
B: hey A. can you call me again later? i'm very busy right now.
A: T.T

true story.

03. rebellious. some say, maybe because i'm a middle child, i always tend to do something rebellious. sometimes i feel like stealing stuff in supermarkets. but i havent done that, dont worry. but i always "steal" a lot of creamers from mcd. haha. oh ya, when my parents say i have to reach home before 10. i always break their rules by going home at 10.30 or even 11. bad atul.

04. a last minute person or in other word, i'm a procrastinator. i always try to start doing my assignment a week before the due date. so far, i never get problem with that.

05. a grumpy person. yes, i'm a grumpy person. you never know.

06. i dont like sharing. i actually hate it when people want to share some stuff with me. i dont care whether the stuff is mine or them. i just hate sharing. but my friends semua suka main share.

07. and of course, i hate when people borrowing my stuff. you can say, i'm lokek. almost all of my friends are never-know-how-to-return-back kind of people. so thats why. and i have this friend, she likes to borrow my stuff, even my make up, my baju, everything. but the problems are, she never knows how to return them back, and we are not even have the same sizes. when i went to her room that day, i could see 70% stuffs in her room are mine. whaddaheck man.

08. i dont want to get married. this is the weird thing about me. i can see that girls around my age, easily to get excited over marriage. but i'm not. i always hear they say, sik sabar eh mok nikah. whatthehell. i dont like to attend weddings. seriously hate. the only thing i like about weddings is food. nyaman. i always think, can i have a partner without getting married. like mat sallehs, boyfriend-girlfriend boleh diam sama and act as husband and wife, tapi belom nikah.

09. i dont like reading. i'm lazy, well said. :) but because of my glasses, my friends think i'm a nerdy person. haha. but nahhhh.

10. i like to be alone. i used to say this before, being alone and being lonely are two different things. i wanna be alone without feeling lonely. but everytime i feel like wanna be alone, my friends confirm call and ajak keluar. i need my own time.

samsung monte s5620

2011-07-27T15:07:00.004+08:00

everyone knows how much i like phones, how much i like electronic devices. im planning to buy ipad 2 soon. but i still have other commitments, so i have to forget about ipad 2 for awhile. but ... i just bought a new phone. i dont know why. i just cant explain. the phone is so cool. it's samsung monte s5620.

i bought it online on ebay. i just received the phone yesterday. i think it took about only 3-5 days to reach me. why did i buy it online? maybe i can say, here is different than malaysia. i think here is pretty safe. well i know we cant trust anyone, but so far, i havent encountered with any problems. alhamdulillah.

here is the packaging. so that's my name. my address.

the receipt with one year warranty.

the box.

lets check whats inside the box, shall we?

yay, here is the phone!

omg. so pretty. i love it. :)

iphone, please dont be jealous.

so what do i think about this phone? it's a touch-screen. i prefer touch-screen phone. easier! the phone is so thin. the camera is ok, i think. im not really a camwhore typed of person. so i havent really tried the camera. the volume? yeah, the volume is ok. 7 is the loudest and i put the phone at level 3. so yeah, it's good. the screen is so clear and nice.

it's not an android phone. what a shame. but still, not bad. and the price, it's not expensive at all. evryone can buy it. everyone can have it. i really recommend it. :)

Sunday Night

2011-07-24T18:58:00.003+08:00

hello again, guys.

you know what is the weirdest thing about me? well, i dont think it's weird but some people do. so yeah, what's it? it is, i laugh at lame jokes.

lets try this.

A: give me the phone!
B: are you calling mr jang?
A: who else should i call?! should i call my husband?!

funny issit? hahahahaha.

*****

mondays - the boring-est day ever. i dont like mondays and thurdays. i always think, time flies so slow especially on these two days. tomorrow i'll be having our first group meeting for building measurement and professional practise. i feel kinda nervous. because the lecturer has assigned us to groups. so i'm not in the same group with my friends. i just scared they (my group members) wont agree with the way how i work. i hope everything is gonna be okay. amin.

it's already week 2. i can feel the pressure already. i feel like killing myself. shooting my brain with a rifle. dont worry, i wont do that. haha. i hope everything is gonna be okay. yeah, lets pray guys. :) i wanna do better for this semester. please help me Allah. because i did pretty bad last semester. i was really sad after i checked my results. i didnt manage to reach my targets. my friends keep saying, at least you passed atul! yeah, i know. but humans always aim for something better.

ok guys i'm not an arrogant bitch. i still feel bad for my friends who failed their units. i would love to help them if i could. if i got very high marks, i would transfer some. but sadly, no, i couldnt do that. lets just help other for the good marks k. i aim for more D and HD for this semester. insya Allah. amin.

First Step To A New World

2011-07-23T23:14:00.005+08:00

I will be going to Macau

that's what i keep telling everyone. yes, it's true. i will be going there in november. i can wait.

can i just skip everything and fly to macau now?

actually i havent told everyone yet. but i already did tell my friend, s.

he's the first person to know about this. but he killed my semangat when i first told him.

he said, better kau ajak kawan kau juak.

yeah it's dangerous, but can you people just trust me. believe me. and have a faith in me.

so i have decided, i dont want to tell anyone about this?

but now you're writing about this, atul!

yeah i know, but i dont think anyone i know would read this. i dont even publicized my blog.

i dont even think my friends know about my blog.

after macau, i'm planning to go to singapore and jakarta.

why singapore?

because i have made a promise with my friend that i will go there at the end of the year.

and why jakarta?

i dont know why. but i think jakarta is a nice place. so why not.

lets travel within asia first, then we can further, maybe like, london or paris.

insya Allah. mudahan banyak rezeki.

travelog!

i will take pictures and post everything up on my blog.

i will write about my experiences.

and i will write my recommendations regarding accomodations, foods, attractions.

especially for solo traveller.

because i'm going solooooo.

i have been doing research on macau, singapore and jakarta.

so far so good~

imma sexited. :D

im bored

2011-07-16T12:15:00.003+08:00

im bored. have you ever woke up and thought, lets go travelling? i want to go somewhere or just anywhere. im bored. i was thinking about going to kk or langkawi in december. or maybe miri. alone, of course. some of my friends are not that cool. well, they are cool but their parents are not. im bored.

im bored. i feel like eating chocolates. but im too lazy to get up from my bed. school starts next week. and yesterday i was doing a smart girl job by going to uni and printed out all lecture notes. im bored.

im bored. i had a bad dream. in my dream, there was two guys asked me to be a porn star. to act in their porn movie. bitch. what a worst dream. well i have pride, so i refused. then these two guys mad at me. so i walked away. im bored.

im bored. this evening we will peobably be going to san churros in subiaco. it is a nice chocolates cafe. if you have time, please come to perth and i'll bring you there. please.im bored.

My Country

2011-07-12T13:46:00.002+08:00

have you watched the video about the police and bersih? i just watched it, just now. it was scary. i thought it wasnt that scary. i remember on that day i went to tunaz to fetch my sister, i went to pasar minggu. so i didnt really care with what was happening that time. sorry, im really a lousy citizen. forgive me.

as a normal citizen, i really dont know who to trust. goverment says, we are good they are bad, and the another party says the same thing. we just absorb what the medias feed us. after i watched news on that day, i believed in government. and now after i watched that video, i think government is bad and bersih just wanted to do the right thing. i dont hate the goverment sides, and i dont love them too. i dont know. sometimes i dont feel like malaysian. im just an ordinary person who lives in malaysia. because sometimes malaysian goverment treat foreigners better. i think because they just wanna have good impressions from outside world.

i dont know what to say anymore. lets just sleep.

ps: my grammar and words structure are the worst. i just dont have mood to check and fix em.

It is just my thought

2011-07-07T02:19:00.003+08:00

seriously. i envy malaysian students. because malaysian education system is getting easier each year. like, the government is planning to abolish upsr and pmr. (or alr have been abolished?). i know some people might say, bagus juak. bukan da berik makna gilak pun exams ya. maseh juak sambung belajar. yeah i heard people say that before. byt seriously i envy the students. i dont really remember the upsr part, but i still remember how nervous i was before sitting for pmr. how important i thought pmr was. i remember how my friends and i always went to pustaka to study because we scared of our future. but i dont understand why the goverment tries to abolish these two exams.

now in university, there is this system which is called "fast track" for diploma students. you can skip half of your diploma course and go straight to hell, no, i mean degree. but in one condition, students have to maintain their pointer, i think about 3.0 and above. so i was thinking, why you introduce this system? why you make it easier for the students? i think this is same like when we were in primary school. got this system called "melangkau". they made i have a friend yang melangkau. i still remember she said primary 5 was so hard because she didnt know the basics. because some of the basics were supposed to be learnt in primary 4.

maybe this fast track is depending on the students themselves. their efforts and everything. but i still think it's just not fair to some people. and and and, now i heeard goverment has introduced new system. if you can maintain your degree results, i think about 3.7 and above. you can already skip masters and do phd. yeah not fair to me. because.. because.. because,, in here theres no such system. :(

actually this makes me think,
1. no wonder people getting stupider because they skip some knowledge.
2. more people become anti social because they probably spend most of their time to study.
3. more cocky people.

Boring

2011-06-16T18:47:00.003+08:00

you know, i think i'm crazy. not crazy, as in mentally. but crazy, as in, do crazy stuff, think crazily. yeah. something like that. funny. i wanted to steal something from kfc or pizza hut, like the plates, the bowl. sometimes i think differently. i thiink "poo" sounds nice. i like the word "poo". it is like the wind blowing and making puuu~ sound.

i think hackers are cool. humans with skills are just hot hot hottt. i watched bloody monday yesterday. it's a japanese drama, about terrorism and hackers. when the guy trying to hack the terrorist security system is soo awesomeeeee. i dont know how to explain. please watch.

i was thinking, should i apply for a part time job, come on the first day, then go missing forever? i just wanna play with someone. i once was a prankster. but wait, i still am.

W.E.A.K

2011-06-15T16:21:00.002+08:00

through your eyes, i'm the strongest girl ever. the brave-st (is this word even exist?) person ever. but actually i'm not. i'm the weakest among the weaks. deep down, i'm scared. i'm scared of everything. Allah, please help me. :'(

Take It Easy Man!

2011-06-06T07:31:00.004+08:00

am i a blogger? i dont know. but i dont really write something like what "the real" bloggers write. i just write about nonsense things, my life, what i hate and what i dont etc. so am i a blogger? okay, lets think something out of box. i'm a teenager. i go to school, go to class although i dont do anything. i dont listen to the lecturers/teachers. i just sleep throughtout the class. but because i go to school (go only), people are still considered me as a student. hmm. that makes sense. okay, i'm a blogger!

haha. jokes. i won't say i'm a blogger. i think to be called as a blogger is like to hold some responsibility. it's like a job or something. well, i just read bout gambit on twitter. i just feel weird with certain people. he "merepak" about these specific bloggers only. but people who write something like me (nonsense things) pun boleh terasa? aiehh. how come? i dont terasa. in fact i dont feel like he's talking about me at all. haha. sapalah aku tok mok orang klaka pasal aku. haha. i'm a loser, i know.

it's just that, people cepat melatah. cool la man. i mean, its nothing. video clip ya terok gney pun, rilek la. that's their job. that's what they have to do. when i first saw that video clip, i also felt like meremang bulu roma. but you don't have to blame the director, the singer and actor. you know, its hard to please everyone. maybe to them, the video looks cool. but not to us.

i used to apply a very very very thick make up when i was 16 years old (i dont know how to apply make up, beautifully. true story!). when i was applying it, i thought, "wow this looks nice", "this colour would be great on me" etc. just imagine, i went to a date with thick make up. i thought it looked good. i thought i was the pretties person at that place, that time. haha. but actually that's what i thought only. evryone didn't think they same, they just were not dare enough to let me know. i just know about this recently (abot 2-3 months back), that my ex boyfriend (this story!) thought my make up didn't look good. haha. the real story is, my face looked like this.

hey i adore marilyn manson. but imagine a girl like me, wear something like this. it's a turn off, huh? so yeah, chill man. i know its not easy to please everyone. so, relax.

2011-06-02T17:24:00.000+08:00

Update : 2/6/2011

2011-06-02T12:27:00.002+08:00

mood: normal.

heart: normal.

sleep: overslept. *damn you alarm!*

appetite: always hungry. sudden urge to eat something sweet.

bother: exams tomorrow and next week.

weight: don't want to check. it's depressing.

basal body temperature: normal, i think.

notes: HELP ME! I HAVE EXAMS TOMORROW! HELP! HELP! HELP!

Perspective

2011-05-31T09:02:00.002+08:00

last two days he messaged me and told me how i never changed, i always want everything to be done like what i want. so i admitted, yes i never changed, i'm still the old me. i told him, at least i haven't changed. then he never replied me again and i felt like WINNING! haha. ok, i won't write how bad he was to me or what i don't like about him here. let's play cool guys. :)

there's just this one thing that bothers me. i think like, why life is like that, why people act like that. do you wanna know what is that one thing? haha. ok, actually i was thinking why people always only remember about bad things. why never the good things? he said i always want everything to be done like what i want. he still remembers that. but why he doesn't remember that i always put him and everyone in my list of priorities. i'm not that selfish. :( trust me. when everyone kirum barang, walaupun annoying i still buy them. if i ask someone to buy me something, i always give extra as upah. but why people are so blind?

i still remember my friends and i were planning for a picnic. but unfortunately, i had to go back to kampung. my mom is always like, always plan last minute so that's what happened. because i couldn't go, so the plan was kinda ruined, they blamed me. but i already did my part. i asked everyone who wanna join, i planned about the food, the setting and stuff. so i thought, they could just go. they could just proceed without me. because of one small mistake they had blaming me like forever. but how plan-plan yang jadi lamak tok. sikda pun mok berik kredit.

that's sad. but i know this happens to everyone. sometimes when people know i dont mandik for one whole day, they assume i ceridak. but how about the day before or two days before or the day after. mandik bah. sik alu lekat ceridak.

so yeah. that's people. that's life. how cruel. :(

Friends?

2011-05-29T17:25:00.002+08:00

you know what is the most annoying thing? when your friends call you because they need help.or they want something. this situation always happens to me. like a lot! especially when i live abroad like this. maybe they think here is cheaper and all. but nope, you're wrong. it's kinda same. or maybe they think everything's pretty and easy to find here. i mean like, maybe this one certain bag is easy to get here rather than in kuching or malaysia. but what the hell man. i prefer to shop in kuala lumpur than here. i think i can find anything there and i think everything in malaysia is cheaper.

situation 1:

tutt..tutt.. (messages coming)

N: Atul tok ka? N tok. Bila kitak balit? Mok kirum barang lok.

A: Aok Atul tok. Belum sure bila balit. Kirum pa?

N: Handbag. Berapa harga handbag brand xxx kat sia?

A: Sik tauk juak. Kamek jarang beli handbag sitok. Kamek check internet tek maybe around $300. Try check website nya.

N: Mun tuka RM?

A: x 3, so dalam RM600.

N: Mahal na juak. Ok, mun nak tok? Or nak ya? Berapa mun tuka RM?

Bitch. I already told you to check the websites and $ to RM is x3. Very annoying you know.

situation 2:

buzz...

I: Oi da baju kacak sik sia?

A: Ada kali mun carik bena-bena.

Bitch. Suka buang masa orang jawab soalan bodo.

that will only happen when i'm here, and when i'm back in kuching (after giving the stuff to them), they won't even bother to call me to say hi how are you. you guys so lucky because i'm kind. because i never charge more. if the stuff harganya rm50, rm50 la i mintak bayar. never more and never less.

Situation 3:

Lalalala... I wont go home without you... (phones ringing)

W: Atul da kat rumah sik?

A: Aok ada. But pastok mok keluar pegi bank.

W: Mok kamek teman sik. Pastok kamek agak rumah.

A: Err.. Okay.

When W arrived. First thing W said,

W: Atul boleh pinjam RM10 sik mok reload?

Bitch. Patut la bait semacam jak mok neman. Ada udang disebalik batu duhal.

these 3 situations are true stories. story of my life.

I HATE YOU

2011-05-28T20:27:00.005+08:00

i want my stuff back. i want all of them back. i dont care anymore.

because i'm going to hate you forever.

you make me look like a fool. i'm not going to let that happen. i have unfriended you. i have deleted your numbers. and now, i'm going to erase all of our memories. i'm starting to hate you. i'm not going to talk to you anymore. to see you. i hate you. seriously, now i dont feel anything about you. i feel like killing you.

you were just playing with my heart. i should have known from the start. i was so stupid to believe. but thanks to Allah, now i dont have too. you're just pain in the ass. hope i wont be seeing you when im in kuching later. because if we do, i probably will kill you. seriously.

so be happy, while you can. because you're gonna rot in hell soon.

ps: i hate you!

awkward

2011-05-27T20:02:00.001+08:00

adoh gney tok? pandei rasa frust ndah.

what should i do?

awkwardness. :(

Update : 25/5/2011

2011-05-25T17:44:00.002+08:00

Life is so unpredictable. People say, what you give is what you will get back. But that's a lie. Because when I go to kfc, i give they money but they give me chicken. Why they don't give money back? I give they money what. So I should get money back. Okay, nonsense!

Today I had my first paper. I studied like mad. I slept at 3+ am and almost overslept. I wanted to study again when I reached uni but i was so lazy to read. So I decided to just go with the flow. Luckily the questions were not that hard. I still managed to answer 80% of the questions. Another 20%, biar Allah tentukan. :) Tomorrow I'm going to sit for Structures exam. Damn hard! Don't know what will happen but I will try my best.

Oh today, I bought electric blanket. I'm so happy happy happy. Satisfied! I bought 2 chocolates. There's a funny story with that chocolates. I bought it and during checkout, I wanted to pay with eftpos. But damn, not enough money inside. Luckily I'd got cash. Haha. I bought liners, shampoo and facial cleanser. Added together, I spent about $60 today. Oh my gosh. Start today I have to ikat perut la tok. :(

Hope

2011-05-21T17:25:00.002+08:00

when everytime i think there's nothing left for me, God will always send me something which is called HOPE.

thank you very much. :)

Hujan

2011-05-20T08:23:00.002+08:00

it's raining and i think it is sad. the black clouds. the winds. everything is so gloomy. why is it like this? but dah start holiday lak please lah hari-hari hujan k. i dont really like rain, but i like water. nangga parit sebelah rumah pun rasa mok terjun jak dalam ya. sigh. i miss home.

i start exams next week. i feel really down. please motivate me people. because my marks so far aren't that great. pressure. pressure. all this pressure is killing me. i'm planning to do honours in forth year. but to do honours, you have to get a very very very very good result in third year. the units for honours students and normal students are just the same. but i just want to differentiate myself with everyone. because in back home, most of my friends are doing to this course. so at least i can feel proud and tell them this "i have an honours degree you bitch!". because since last year i always this kind of questions, why are you doing this course? A is doing it too. I think B also planning to do this course. then how you want to find a job. you have to compete with everyone.

sometimes i can sense my mom doesn't agree with my choice. luckily my uncle (he's an electrician) said that my job boleh kaya. alu besar mata my mom. haha. i'm kidding. i mean at least my mom knows that my course also has future.

oh it's 8.44 am already. i have class at 10. have to get ready. bye.

Fcuk

2011-05-18T21:18:00.006+08:00

hello. you know what annoys me the most? people who like to curse. i know when you're angry or in fight, all the cuss words make your arguments or points sound stronger. or maybe you just wanna show to the world how angry you are. but i mean, what's the point man? okay, me myself sometimes accidently utter the words like shit, damn and fuck.

like:

oh dammit! i missed the bus.

what? it's 400 bucks. shit man.

fuck you!

okay, the last one, i have never said like that to anyone. i'm a good girl, oh yeah. i hate to hear people curse and swear to other people. like you have been seeing on movies. it's not good. you're fucking annoying! i mean, you don't have to add fucking in that sentence.

i have been living in sarawak since i was born. the famous cuss words in sarawak are kimak and cibai. they both sound ugly right. so i remember when i was in form 2 i think. a group of bitches had a misunderstanding with my bestfriend. they fought (pake mulut jak!) and jeling-jeling passed each other in school. there was one time, one of those said this to my bestfriend.

B: muka kedak kimak jak!

i can't recall what my friend's respond was but i was thinking, why she said like that to my bestfriend. i really wanted to aswer that girl like this.

A: muka kedak kimak? gney muka kedak kimak ya? ada kedak muka pukek mak kau?

but i didn't say it because i had reputation man. haha. yeah, so kimak is the short form of pukek mak. ugly word, right. so guys, please be polite.

ps: sorry this post is full with impolite words. urgh screw this ps! i dont care man. fuck you! :)

Recovering

2011-05-17T12:48:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching How I Met Your Mother: Challenge Accepted. Shit. Suddenly I feel like Robin. After the broke up, I think about 3 of my friends have changed their status to in a relationship. I was like, "wtf man. Are you guys planning something one me?!".

Yeah so I can relate myself to Robin. After she broke up with Don, she was so in despair. That is what I feel right now. It's still hard for me to accept it. I wanted to call him but ... Robin is single while Ted has a girlfriend and Barney keep meeting girls. When your friends are happy, we can just smile.

"Everyone thinks they are okay after the broke up"

Actually they are not. Shit man. What is this?!

Oh yeah, yesterday I whatsapp-ed my mother, asking whether I can go home for holiday. But MOMMA SAYS NO! Becauseeeeee she's planning to come here next month. Uh uh oh yeah! Oh yeah! I hope I have money that time so I can treat my mom. So KUCHING, I will see you in November. Please be well baby.

You Know

2011-05-15T16:14:00.002+08:00

You know, I have this habit. Well, I don't wanna say it's my habit, I think I wanna say it's my catch up line. Haha. Whatever.

You know what? Yes, you know. It's "you know".

If I wanna start say something I always start with, "you know .... " or "kitak tauk sik ..." or "tauk sik .... " or sometimes I say "mok tauk sik .... ". Yeah, I'm cool right. Jokes.

I used to pratising by not saying "you know" at all, but you know, I failed. See what I mean? I just said "you know" there. Sometimes my friends like to tease me. After I say "you know ..." they will say, "no, I don't know". Haha.

But I make it different by not saying "youuu knoowwwwww ... ". No, I'm not. I say it like, "you know". You know!

Haha. Okay, it's just a boring Sunday and I have nothing to do. So I just write this and I don't whether this entry means something or not. I just don't care. :)

Peace out!

Everybody's Fine

2011-05-14T17:34:00.003+08:00

Just finished watching Everybody's Fine. A great movie and I think it made me cry twice. Yeah, TWICE! Because the movie reminded me of home and my family, especially my mother. It's true that we always tell our mother everything, but we hide bad news from our father.

There was a part, I think it said :

"Mom is a good listener, and you dad, a good talker".

Hmm. That's deep. :)

I Tried

2011-05-14T11:48:00.001+08:00

I was so lazy to get my ass out of the bed so I reached my phone. I checked for any updates on facebook and twitter. Well, facebook and twitter are very important social networking websites nowadays. To me it's not that they are really important, but I think I need it to know my friends' updates, in a good way I mean. I don't stalk strangers, I only "stalk" my friends. Because I live so far way and my friends tend to forget me if they have got anything.

Okay, so on twitter, I read M tweet, about how she and her boyfriend was skyping until morning. And H tweet, about how she went drving with her boyfriend. Suddenly I was so green with envy.

You know, I'm very a traditional girl. I like those stuff. I like talking on the phone til morning, I like skyping. I like to go driving to nowhere. I like to go to beach to watch sunset or sunrise, or even just walking along the beach. I like to watch movies. I really like those stuff and most important, I like to do those stuff with my boyfriend (whoever my boyfriend is). But sadly, my ex boyfriend doesn't like those stuff.

Sometimes you can read someone if you know that someone for at least 2 years. You can just feel it. So yeah, I think I can read my ex boyfriend. When we were still in a good relationship, I always though he didn't love me anymore. I tried to keep this relationship and I didn't want to give up. But everything has to come to an end and we broke up last week. Yeah, I gave up.

After the broke up, I chatted with my friends and told them everything. And my friends believe that:

A : Nang bena ada orang sik suka dikaco time tido tapi tok gerek dikpun call ba!

M : Kau nangis-nangis nektok sik guna. Maybe nya nektok gik happy and sik rasa apa-apa pun.

S : Tandah jak eh. Laki mun dah ego tinggi gilak nang gia. Nang sik kedak dalam novel.

After chatted with them, now I think I can accept the truth although my heart is still in pieces. My friends are trying to pick up the pieces with me, but it's just me who refuses to. Because I'm too weak to see the pieces and glue everything together.